Love such a tragedy

These days I've been experiencing some hormonal issues. Lately I was not myself, I was being melodramatic and sentimental fool. I didn’t know is it because of my surroundings, or it was the earth which apparently start to heat, so it made tempered attitude affection to human. I just didn’t understand that it was quite hard to control your feelings, and I started to learn that this was just temporary, and time would heal, just like it used to be. I’ve learnt that once your wish was granted, you just couldn’t stop. I even heard this phrase during a church mass “Life is a journey of wishes to you God”. Well, it was so true, that I had not stop wishing since the day I could light a candle, and pray to Mother Mary, Jesus, Father, and the Holy Spirit. I’ve always wished for love, to accompany me for the rest of my life. These wishes were slowly being granted, slowly but sure, it was always His ways of fulfilling my inner conscience. From the first I felt sparkles of chemistry with some guy in college; to descent guys I met lately.

Nonetheless, I began to think, what is after this, a child? A life? A good fortune? It always bothered me that journey of wishes thing, would He filled my needs without I even wish? I know that He would. As human beings, yes we had our doubts, and I always tried to think one thing at a time, gosh! Life is a journey, made one by one, line by line! So I need not to rush, man, this whole grown up think, just made me realize that I should be more grounded and stay true to myself. I do need a guy to fill my emptiness; it was the loneliness that I feared. But, I have had embraced it all my life from four years of college had made me realized that being lonely was total cool; it was because I had lots of friends. I began to decide from now on; I wouldn’t be crying for a company again right now, however, I am ready to be hurt, to be open to someone when he’s arrived, but for now there aint no body, and i would not stop believing!

I finally realized that true love is painful, just like Mother Theresa sayings, any kind of pure love is pain. Look at Romeo and Juliet, such young and tragedy they were. They were in pain, the waiting of Juliet towards Romeo's coming was somehow related to most girls who still wait, wait for their prince charming that would come. And the classic thing, Nevertheless, I know that perfect prince charming never exist. The phrase so called true love will never come to you, when you didn’t even try to open your heart.

When the bell rang, and I would try to open my heart to be vulnerable and ready to be hurt. Yes, being a Juliet was a total disguise, and I’ve had enough of it. I began to decide from now on; I wouldn’t be crying for a company again right now, it was a foolish thing to do! I hate it! It's lonely being on top!

Gee, I'm such classic; to be bounded by Shakespeare literature during high school had made me this classic modern girl! Ah sassy! I was always amiable and prudent. I was disposed to cheerfulness and positive energy, is there something wrong with that? Was being kind and warm-hearted were wrong these days? I don’t know, as long as I stayed true to myself. I am what I am, this genuinely sincere human being. I am a saint and sinner. May be I deserved better. I don’t know. I wish this year would end perfectly without any drama and dry eyes of course. And there I’ve just commanded another wish?! :)